My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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