I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
