So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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