Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
