I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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