just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
