When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
