Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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