Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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