Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
