why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Houston, we have a blender
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
