I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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