My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize