He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
