ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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