My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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