I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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