i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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