isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
