I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
