Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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