so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
