If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
