Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm passing your future prison.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
