I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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