My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize