we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i will never coherently bang her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
