So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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