areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
