Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
