I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
