you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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