Your tits are I can't wait for
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
