I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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