I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
