he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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