Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
