I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
