I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
