I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Terrible idea I love it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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