New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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