i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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