watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
