I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am one with the molecules
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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