I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
