my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
