I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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