PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
