I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
