I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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