fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
