Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
