apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
