you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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