I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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