We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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