How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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