So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
