Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
