ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
