yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
