Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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