i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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