party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
