I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
