Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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