I hate your face
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You have to summon your inner elephant
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
