I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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