So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
