I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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