She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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