Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
