Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
