i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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